When one door is closed behind you, another one always opens. In this case, that newly opened door is a revealing one which is elevating me back to the intelligence level left behind.
There was a time when after returning to my Hindu roots and belief system, I wanted to do something for my community to help it grow. There was this burning passion that I had to promote Hinduism to claw back the youth who are not across how beautiful, progressive and forward thinking our religion is. I would even attend the London Sri Murugan Temple, stand in front of the Lingam and pray for this to be destined over mine and my children’s lives.
I knocked at His Heavenly doors, asked and in return, I received. I walked into a meeting which had been organised as a supporter and walked out the nominated President and Director. I was reluctant to take on the role but did. The blessing awaits and all that. This was the beginning of my 4 and a half year reign. Lots of ups, plenty of downs, many times of being silenced and being spoken to in a way to try and strip me off my intellect. In fact it was never a reign. It was simply being dragged behind a fast moving truck ready to hurl me to the front when things went below the belt down.
In every business there are moments when the mind is fresh and you have bare determination to pull all the stops to ensure those fresh profitable ideas are executed. The audience point to the team during those successes. When the challenges present themselves and a sticky web starts to form, the team pull together and work through untangling themselves to create an even solid model. That is how it should work. That is how it never worked. Instead I would walk into the said business with all sorts of justification being spread like a viral marketing campaign as to why I am not cut out for the job…ALEXA LOSES HER VOICE. That along with how personal the relationships became, listening to how shit my life, my background, my family are. I still held it together.
Through all this there is a time when I had to accept my time was up. Both hands of the clock were being held together at 12 until I accepted the foot on my back was directing me OUT. I had to accept it was going to get no better. I had to accept it was a struggle to work on something out of my depth. I had to accept it did not form part of my identity. I had to accept there is an evil associated with working within the circle who want to be responsible for building something that should be at the opposite end of evil.
Then the moment I take a virtual journey back up to my brain, I meet people who unravel and open my cerebral up to a different way of thinking and giving thanks. You do not need to be a frequent temple goer to the point where other revellers are bored of your “lost in spirit lost in worship” face. Even the priests get bored of how predictable you become by being that frequent. What matters is what you give, what you donate, out of your hard earned (not borrowed) money to help, not just the community, but humanity.
It’s a closed chapter. Finally.